I Loved Her Then, I Love You Now
by atruwriter
Summary: Doubting just what's between them, space seems like a good idea to her. Remus doesn't agree.


**Summary**: Doubting just what's between them, space seems like a good idea to her. Remus doesn't agree.

**_I Loved Her Then, I Love You Now  
_****by**: _atruwriter_

"Remus?"

"Hm?" He played with the necklace that fell between her breasts, his fingers tracing the intricate design as his cheek lay on her shoulder, the bristles of his day's growth of beard lightly scraping her delicate skin.

She wanted to say the words. They were right there, at the very end of her tongue. But her eyes fell closed, tightened, and her lips followed suit. "Nothing... Never mind."

She could feel his head raise, whiskers burning against her shoulder enough to make a lusty shudder slide down her spine.

His fingers brushed the curve of her breast as he moved. "It's never nothing with you..." He stared up at her with searching amber eyes.

She looked down at him but couldn't hold his gaze long. "Except this time it is." She licked her lips. "It's getting late. I should go." She moved to sit up but his arm lay heavy across her waist and kept her in place without much trouble.

"Stay."

She bit her lip. "Teddy will-"

"Understand." He lifted up on his elbow. "He loves you. Has for ages now. He thinks of you like his own mum."

She swallowed tightly. "I know," she whispered. "I really have to go though. I have to be in to work early and-"

"We have floo and you can apparate in and out of here in a flash." His fingers stroked her ribs, thumb tracing her stomach sweetly. "Stay tonight... Just..." He sighed. "I like waking up with you here..."

She couldn't deny how much she loved waking up in his arms, with his warmth all around her. But...

"I'm sorry, I-"

"What's wrong?" he asked, brow furrowed. "You've been distant lately. You keep leaving as quickly as you can and you're evading me every time I ask you what's going on." He shook his head, staring up at her with concern.

"It's nothing. I've just... been busy is all." Busy falling in love with a man who still loved his deceased wife.

His jaw flexed and she knew he recognized her lie.

"Remus..."

He drew away, tucking his arms behind his head. "I'll see you later then..."

Swallowing tightly, she rose from the bed, reaching for her clothes to cover her nakedness with haste. She could still feel the tightness around her breast where his teeth had sunk in, marking her. There was a heaviness to her limbs, each of them still so exhausted from the _hours _she'd just spent in his bed. Her hair probably looked even worse than usual and she was almost certain that if she paid any real attention to her nether-regions, she could still _feel _him pulsating inside of her. She felt a shiver run through her body and goosebumps fan out along her skin just at the memory of his bruising kiss and gentle hands.

For too many months this had been going on. Nearly a year now and she had almost managed to convince herself that her heart and body could be two separate entities. And then a few weeks ago happened and she'd felt his hands on her hips, his lips on her neck, and she'd lost all thought, all will to breathe, so lost in his scent and his touch. And like a well-placed stunner, she'd realized... She was in love with him. He who could never really love her; he who still mourned his wife and his son's mother. She had to separate herself from him, just enough to let her heart get over this malfunction, of sorts.

"Are you going to run away every time we get close?" he asked her, his voice heavy and deep.

She looked over to him. His long, lean body was the picture of masculine perfection. She saw past the scars that would never fade to see the truly beautiful man that lay beneath. The sheets lay across him, just barely covering his private bits and leaving the rest of his muscled torso for her eyes to freely peruse. He looked to her, amber eyes a mix of anger, confusion, and hurt.

"I'm looking out for us, Remus," she assured, shaking her head. "Staying over isn't constructive to this... To us." She buttoned her blouse with shaky fingers. They were still rich with the memory of stroking every hard inch of him, from head to toe.

"And what are we? Because I apparently missed the owl." He stared up at her with a frown. "One minute you're the most passionate woman I've ever know and you're lying in my arms like it's the only place you want to be. And the next..." His eyes fell momentarily. "The next you're gathering your clothes and acting as if we just closed a business deal."

Lifting a hand, she rubbed her furrowed brow. "It's been a long night and..."

He lifted from the bed to kneel, his body tense. "A long night of us making love all over this bed," he half-shouted.

Angry, she shouted back, "Making love would mean there'd have to be _love _in the first place!"

He reeled back as if she'd slapped him, his nose flaring and his throat noticeably tightening as he swallowed. "Right... You can leave then."

Closing her eyes tightly, she sunk her teeth into her lower lip. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Her hand fell to swipe a tear away. "I never meant to..."

"Yeah, well, neither did I." He stood up from the bed with little to no modesty and reached for his pants to drag on, leaving them unbuttoned and hanging attractively from his waist. He moved toward the door and she felt as if her entire world had begun to crumble around her too quick for her to grab hold of anything.

"Remus..."

He paused at the door.

When she looked at him, she could see every muscle rigid beneath his skin. She took four slow steps toward him, reached out and trailed a hand down the long, angry red scar that tore across his back; the one that was meant to kill but only managed to knock him out until the end of the war. The one that would've had him joining his most beloved wife had a miracle not saved him.

"I'm sorry I'm not her," she breathed, her voice hitching. Never in her life had she ever thought she'd say something like that. She'd always been so strong, so stubborn, so willful, and now... Now the love she felt for a man had broken all of that.

He turned around abruptly, his expression stricken. "You... You _what?_"

She wanted to take it back, she wanted to leave immediately, but his hands were wrapped tight around her arms, holding her in place, and if she were to apparate, he'd either come with her or be splinched in the process. She tipped her head back to stare at the ceiling; somehow hoping gravity might force her tears back into the sockets of her eyes.

"Look at me," he told her.

She wouldn't.

"Look at me!"

She shook her head. He shook her.

Her head fell, chin nearly brushing her chest, eyes damp with tears and cheeks streaked with them.

"I loved Dora with all my heart... And I love Teddy more than I could imagine..." He swallowed tightly. "And that part of my life will never truly be behind me. But..." He sighed, licking his lips. "But it doesn't mean I love you any less."

Her brow furrowed, eyes raising to his.

"And I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel that I have...." His thumbs stroked her arms now rather than keeping her still. "I was terrified for a long time that loving you would only lead to you dying on me too. I know how irrational that was but..." He shook his head. "I don't want to lose you. Not in any way." He stared into her eyes searchingly, patiently.

She let her tears fall freely then, a shuddering sob welling in her chest. She'd longed for those words, in ways she couldn't fathom. Once upon a time, she'd thought the volatile experience of a love-hate relationship with Ron Weasley had been the very highest of emotions she could feel. But now, standing here, she knew she'd been wrong then. Her equal was standing before her; perhaps jaded and scarred and much older than some would prefer. But he was brilliant and loving and he understood her in ways nobody else ever had. Her mind, her body, her heart; he interpreted them all.

His mouth twitched with a small smile. "I don't know what you want with an old werewolf like me, but if you're willing to let me, I'll love you with all of myself... And I'll never let you doubt it ever again."

Nodding, she lifted her arms to wrap around him, one of her hands burying in his hair. "And I'll love you the same."

He kissed her shoulder tenderly. "Then you'd better have a lot of room in your heart because you're quickly filling mine."

Squeezing her eyes tight, she stroked his neck and nodded into his shoulder. "You should know now that I'll be terribly bossy and I have a jealous streak that I rather hate to admit to and whether you know it or not, you're incredibly handsome so any witch who thinks to steal you away will undergo my very painful wrath..."

Laughing, he hugged her tight and lifted her up from the ground, walking toward the bed where he tossed her down and quickly covered her with himself. "Whatever in the world did I do to deserve such an incredible witch? Can you answer me that?" He cupped her cheek, fingers flicking her bushy hair from her cheek.

Her fingers gripped the top of his pants and tugged them further loose. "You have many qualifying and attractive attributes, Mr. Lupin..."

He quirked a brow. "Is that right?" Bending forward, he pressed a lingering kiss to her collarbone. "Would you like to tell me about them?"

Wiggling beneath him, she replied, "I'll list them all from best to least... But I may need a visual aid for some... Care to be it?"

He grinned. "Sounds promising."

Smirking, she replied, "As a professor, I must be every bit prepared."

"As you wish, Professor Granger... Carry on... And be as thorough as you need to be..."

Reaching below his waist, she cupped him tight through his trousers. "I have ever desire to be just that."

Groaning lustfully, he buried his face in her neck, kissing her lovingly and Hermione could do nothing but return the same passionate gestures.

Now that the confusion was cleared, she had a future to look forward to; one with a wonderful man and a beautiful step-son. Tonks may always have a special place in his heart, but she was happy to know that she too had her own place as well, and she planned to stay there as long as possible.


End file.
